I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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