When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
