Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
