i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
