I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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