took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
whose parrot is this?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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