Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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