I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
