so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
