so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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