so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
