so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
