Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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