Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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