Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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