Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
