Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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