This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
