get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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