Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
