see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize