She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
