After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
