weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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