so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
