stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
