How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
