Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
