Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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