I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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