I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
pray to the hookup gods
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
