My room smells like vodka and shame
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
