I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
