WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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