Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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