Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
