atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
