Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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