I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
