wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
