I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize