I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
