Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Green mimosas i think yes
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
