He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
