My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
