Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
