Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe