My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices