someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together