So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
