laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
