Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
