We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
