That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
