i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
