I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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