I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
