she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
