the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
