I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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