I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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