i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
