About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
