I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
