Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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