mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
