but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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