It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
